it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
