dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
