She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
