I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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