tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
