Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
love makes seman taste better
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
