im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
