tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
