when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
