I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
