oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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