After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
