i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
