youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
