The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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