I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
