i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
