So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just had sex bonerless
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
