I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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