you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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