and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
