God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
