i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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