I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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