my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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