On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
