while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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