I feel great
I just peed on a car
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
