Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
