Your dad touched me again.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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