Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your cock deserves a montage
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
