I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
