I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
