I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
