Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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