it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
