I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
