dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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