you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
