from now on my penis is your penis
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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