She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
