Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
