Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
