I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
