epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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