You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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