It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
