It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
