its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
