I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
