I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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