I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
